What do you exactly do when you think half of your life is already over and you find that the things you wanted to do haven't really happened? I mean whatever subject it might have to do with --- your relationship, your career ambitions, your social ambitions. One fine way is to give up, and cry hysterically like I have done for the past three months. Well, I shouldn't be so harsh on myself: after all, all the possible misfortunes didn't happen to me. Just a real-crisis in my personal life and relationship. And it could have been far worse.
Many bad things have happened to me. For sure, of all the things that have happened to me, this is probably the ugliest till now. It is ugly, but not bad. All it did was to show that how powerful can love be --- don't think you know it so well. And of all the things I've fought back against, this has undoubtedly taken the longest.
Another way, would be to fight back, like I am doing now. Always do that. It isn't easy. It isn't difficult. It's horribly difficult -- it can tear you apart. But do it. Remember you are fighting with the most powerful force in the world; the power of love. It's easy to hate (and therefore please don't do it --- it isn't worth it!), and it is not so easy to fall in love when you aren't in love. But it is really really difficult trying to be normal and indifferent to a person whom you've fallen in heads over heels in love with. And as much as I would have like to me believe that this is all over, and I am in full control over myself, it is not true. It is a fight, and it is not clear when it will get over.
Remember life is a journey. A funny journey, where unexpected things happen all the time. There are things you can't control, you can't predict. One day in the tram, several weeks back, I was my usual depressed self, almost at the verge of crying, pondering on the uselessness of life, I noticed two things. One was a little girl, who was sitting in one the seats in front of me, and trying to hide her face behind the seat, and then quickly getting up to take a peep at my face. For a moment, I suddenly found the reason to fight back my tears; trying not to show a sad face to a child who was all curiosity. And then I saw this person in an electronic wheelchair, going about daily life as if nothing had happened. Certainly according to me this person's life was so difficult, but whether the person found it difficult isn't the point either. The point is, I think, that I thought this person could do it like everything was normal --- and that's where I found the inspiration. It might just be a gross misinterpretation, but at this point, I am prepared to live with it.
And then what exactly do you fight back against? It is an invisible enemy trying to engulf you from all sides. This misfortune, that is. And then you don't even know when your golden chance comes -- it might just come and go away and you'd not notice. Many strange things happen. And happen when you least expect them to happen. My life has been an example of that.
Anyway, why, you ask, am I writing all this preachy stuff? To help you? Nah, I am sure that you readers are wise enough to figure out how to deal with your misfortunes. Someone told me that I am a very emotional personal person. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps wrong. It doesn't matter. What is true is that for the last few months I've been rather emotional, and due to various reasons. And when I am like that, it helps to read positive words somewhere or the other. And when I cannot find it elsewhere, I must construct it on my own. Hoping to encourage myself.
This brings me back to the present. The past is beautiful in a sublime way: it can give you pleasure and pain, in a sublime way. The pain and pleasure are diluted; you've already experienced them once, you know how to mold them. The future is certainly not sublime, but rather expectant. You are expecting something, and again you are molding your thoughts and expressions and hopes in one way or the other. This leaves the present. I think that only the present has the power to knock you off completely, blow you off your feet, leave you feeling completely hopeless and alone; ---- surprise you to the extent you've never been surprised before!
And thus present, I beseech you: you have played enough of havoc in my life. Surprise me like I have never been surprised before, in as positive as way, as in the negative trick you played a couple of months back!
Many bad things have happened to me. For sure, of all the things that have happened to me, this is probably the ugliest till now. It is ugly, but not bad. All it did was to show that how powerful can love be --- don't think you know it so well. And of all the things I've fought back against, this has undoubtedly taken the longest.
Another way, would be to fight back, like I am doing now. Always do that. It isn't easy. It isn't difficult. It's horribly difficult -- it can tear you apart. But do it. Remember you are fighting with the most powerful force in the world; the power of love. It's easy to hate (and therefore please don't do it --- it isn't worth it!), and it is not so easy to fall in love when you aren't in love. But it is really really difficult trying to be normal and indifferent to a person whom you've fallen in heads over heels in love with. And as much as I would have like to me believe that this is all over, and I am in full control over myself, it is not true. It is a fight, and it is not clear when it will get over.
Remember life is a journey. A funny journey, where unexpected things happen all the time. There are things you can't control, you can't predict. One day in the tram, several weeks back, I was my usual depressed self, almost at the verge of crying, pondering on the uselessness of life, I noticed two things. One was a little girl, who was sitting in one the seats in front of me, and trying to hide her face behind the seat, and then quickly getting up to take a peep at my face. For a moment, I suddenly found the reason to fight back my tears; trying not to show a sad face to a child who was all curiosity. And then I saw this person in an electronic wheelchair, going about daily life as if nothing had happened. Certainly according to me this person's life was so difficult, but whether the person found it difficult isn't the point either. The point is, I think, that I thought this person could do it like everything was normal --- and that's where I found the inspiration. It might just be a gross misinterpretation, but at this point, I am prepared to live with it.
And then what exactly do you fight back against? It is an invisible enemy trying to engulf you from all sides. This misfortune, that is. And then you don't even know when your golden chance comes -- it might just come and go away and you'd not notice. Many strange things happen. And happen when you least expect them to happen. My life has been an example of that.
Anyway, why, you ask, am I writing all this preachy stuff? To help you? Nah, I am sure that you readers are wise enough to figure out how to deal with your misfortunes. Someone told me that I am a very emotional personal person. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps wrong. It doesn't matter. What is true is that for the last few months I've been rather emotional, and due to various reasons. And when I am like that, it helps to read positive words somewhere or the other. And when I cannot find it elsewhere, I must construct it on my own. Hoping to encourage myself.
This brings me back to the present. The past is beautiful in a sublime way: it can give you pleasure and pain, in a sublime way. The pain and pleasure are diluted; you've already experienced them once, you know how to mold them. The future is certainly not sublime, but rather expectant. You are expecting something, and again you are molding your thoughts and expressions and hopes in one way or the other. This leaves the present. I think that only the present has the power to knock you off completely, blow you off your feet, leave you feeling completely hopeless and alone; ---- surprise you to the extent you've never been surprised before!
And thus present, I beseech you: you have played enough of havoc in my life. Surprise me like I have never been surprised before, in as positive as way, as in the negative trick you played a couple of months back!
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