Merry Chirstmas

Merry Christmas to all of you! Today went to the church--the Afghan church, yes. A strange feeling occurred. When the priest conducting the mass asked us to observe silence and pray, a strange realization came over to me. It is primarily that I have been pretty much selfish all this time. I have been working hard trying to do good in my subject, making myself worth more to the others, being polite to my friends and others (and ignoring some people), trying to have fun---but all this is directed for me. When have I stopped thinking about me, and honestly worried for other people. I remember, that in schools when we would sign a lot of autograph books, I would write that my ambition in life was to be someone who could bring smiles on others faces. Where is all that? All a farce? Seems so; and I am not even remorseful, not even ashamed that all this brings me no closer to being an selfish arrogant person--the same repulsive animal that I think some others are. Try I will, but will I succeed? Will I leave my Saturday Christmas weekend, to go out and be a Santa Claus bringing gifts to under privileged children? Thats precisely where my hollowness lies!