2020

This year is proving to be a year of note. Unfortunately with nothing good, but with bad news, bad events of enormous proportions. So much so, that it forces me to write again about the thoughts I keep getting filled up with. 

So what are all these events that have been rocking the world? Since I am not the most updated on all the news from all over the world, I will concentrate on the usual suspects: the West, in particular Europe and North America and then India. Anyway, these are the geographical regions I am most connected to. 

It is not only 2020, but also that 2019 ended on a note that was rather disturbing. With the Indian economy slowly slipping behind, the government decided to introduce and pass the so called Citizenship Amendment Act, a few months later it divided and declared Jammu and Kashmir to be Union Territories. I am not going to get into the latter, or the former in any detail, but suffice it to say that these acts of parliament look clearly anti-muslim. And one would have thought that after the Supreme Court ruling of the Ayodhya case went in favour of the Hindus, they would give it a rest. 

Eateries and Drinkeries VI

 It is perhaps a shame that my taste in food is fine and nice, but it is still not at the level when it starts becoming connoisseur-like. I mean this would perhaps made me eliminate lots of names in this list, but to be honest, none of the places that I remember to mention here are bad. Some are outright excellent, others are pretty decent for the price you pay.  Today, I have a biggish list with me, and will try to go through those.

 First pizza places; pizza continues to be my lieblingsessen!

Masaniello:   Located in Hasenheide, a few steps away from Hermannplatz this place has some of the very good pizza that I have ever eaten in Berlin. The interior is very cool and cozy, to the extent of being quite warm even in winter (well, we were having a tropical winter till November, when I was there!). In any case, do go there, it is among the top pizza places in Berlin. I have heard from friends that the quality is going down, but I can't imagine how it must have been in the yesteryears if a month before it tasted so super!

Standard-Serious Pizza: Right from the name you have it, -- it is about serious food. No jokes here. The first time I was there was on a date, and the pizza must have been super-nice, because the conversation had flowed easily and the date was quite a success. But, jokes aside, it really is a nice place, I've been back there with friends and have yet to say bad things about the place.

Tin Tan: This is a place of Mexican street food, and yeah, this is one of those places that completely stand out. Located in the Chauseestrasse, it is still in the Mitte, and it is a smallish place, liable to get filled quite easily. And the service is slow, but that's because they are making the food super good to eat. Don't miss this, whatever be the reason.

Agni: Germans particularly are crazy about Indian food, which is not a surprise when you see the number of Indian restaurants around. Amrit is one of those chains, but Agni is another. They have one in Moabit, and another now in Prenzlauer Berg. Both I think are quite nice, even though some friends I know decare this to be the best Indian restaurant around. It is admittedly pretty good. In the Moabit branch, they would prepare the food from scratch (well, not absolutely from scratch, but you know!), and it takes some time to come. Personally, I have now been to both of them, and I think that the food indeed is quite good. Although the Kashmiri naan that I had (which should have been coated by some cheese and then raisins) was not terribly good. But everything else was.

Corroboree: An Australian restaurant located in Potsdamer Platz. I was there only once though, but only for a drink. So, I cannot really comment on the quality of food, but at least it was quite full, and had Kangaroo burgers. The interior has a very nice atmosphere. 

Lemongrass: No doubts about this, if you do not come here, you've missed something. I have actually lost count of the number of times I have been to this super nice and cozy restaurant. This has a small cozy interior, with Thai specialities, and never ceases to disappoint. Food is very reasonably priced, too!

Chapa: Another Thai place, at Kotti this time, is also pretty nice and not too expensive. Also try not to miss this one. It's location makes it rather busy and popular.

Maroush: A small cozy Lebanese place, serving a lot of falafels, my visit there wasn't really at the best of times, but I might be easily persuaded to go back there again. It's tiny, serving more as a takeaway place rather than sit-in place, but the quality that you get for the extraordinarily cheap prices is rather surprising. Don't miss this one.

Goura Pakora: Back in F'shain, this place used to serve a lot of vegetarian food, including pakodas and dosas, which are of pretty good quality when open. But, it seems like they are closed now. Hope they open soon, and when they do, don't miss it. 

Gorgonzola Club: A rather funny name for an Italian restaurant, but it is indeed quite good. Quite good I would say, I don't remember anything extraordinary with the food (maybe I had a pizza?), but there are some uncommon menus there. And again, it's kinda popular, located in the Dresdener Str., away from busy main streets of Kottbusser Tor.

Turnhalle:  Close to Ostkreuz, this is an old gym which has been turned into a restaurant. This has pictures of a number of famous people from Einstein to Helmut Kohl and others. And there is a huge nice chandelier. As the name suggests, this is an old gym which has been turned into a restaurant. You can view the inside by the side. The food is cheap and decent. I had good flammkuchens here.

Mi Amor: It is a steakhouse, but I did not have a steak here. I had turkey here, with pepper sauce, and potato fries. Again, this is a quite decent place, but the steaks should be tried.

Amrit: Together with its partners, this is probably the biggest Indian restaurant chain in Berlin. They already have six restaurants in the key places that restaurants should be. Again, nothing very special, but very good food in general. Try it (or them).

Zsa Zsa Burger: I was here in the summer, and the burgers here were really super nice. They always have a special size, and look very polished and were super tasty. Try not to miss this one, it is a gem. And for what's it worth, its located in Schoeneberg, in the Isherwood era of Berlin.

Kimchi Princess: I was here a couple of times. They are always very busy, so please do reserve in advance. The food is quite good, and I have always enjoyed the Bibimaps (that's what I remember having, it is soo long ago).

 It is a bit scary, I had only wanted to write about ten restaurants+bars in all, but only with the restaurants, the number is already crossed! Maybe it is time to start counting the bars. I will start with four absolutely local ones, which are in themselves quite nice and delightful.

Dregendorff: Located on Petersburger Strasse, just at Bersarinplatz, this bar often shows the football matches, the Bundesliga and other stuff. Nothing super special, but the beers are nice and the interiors are cozy.

Trautes Heim: Funny as it seems, I couldn't find an online entry for this  bar. It is located on the other side of Petersburger Strasse as the Dregendorff, and much closer to the U-Bhf Frankfurter Strasse. In recent times, they have reinvented themselves with a new decor which is positively nice and eye-catching. They were closed for a while in between because of some accident, or something, there used to be a memorial at the door, and flowers could be seen. 

Adgedreht: This name serves as both a club and a pub, physically they are a  bit separated, but essentially side by side. I have only been in the pub. The pub is incredibly cozy, and it has quite some variety of beers to surprise you.

CoffeinCentrale: A nice coffeeshop on the Mainzer Strasse, which specializes in the new wave of coffee that's sweeping Berlin off its feet. As with most other coffee shops, a nice place to talk over coffee, and the coffee tastes pretty good here.

Palasteria Galao: The website should be working, but it doesn't. This is in Weinbergsweg, close to Rosenthaler Platz, it specializes in a whole of drinks and snaks, all aimed towards the healthy sides of life. By this alcohol automatically gets ruled out, and coffees, and flavored teas and lassis rule galore! Healthy muesli, croissants can also be seen in plenty!

Apotheke bar: A relatively new player in Mariannenplatz in Kreuzberg, it has a stylish decor. The first time I was there, it was a  bit early, and the inside was much too empty. And I had a simple beer. The second time I went there was after being turned down at the Schwarze Traube (about which I will only write if I manage to get in). I had a rather expensive cocktail which had to do with a lot of mangoes and a whole lot of chillies, not at all sweet, but you know, that is life. So, do try it out, or you will be in the miss list!


ORA: The address is Oranienplatz 14, and I have linked here another blog which gives a more intensive insight into the cafe. Although I had a relatively simple beer here, the inside of this bar is super cool, and chic to be more accurate. Many of the spirits and ingredients for making cocktails are in jars, reminiscent of an old Apotheke, and it was way too full. It wasn't easy to get a place to sit.

Romeo and romeo cafe: A rather revealing name for a cafe, understandably located in the Schoneberg neighbourhood, is frequented by a lot of gay clientele. They have quite a few snacks and coffee on offer, and if I understand correctly, a refill on a coffee is free, or at least much too cheap. They have WiFi so that you can continue to work (or flirt -- online or offline) uninterrupted.

the Club : A delightful bar/cafe located in Hermannstrasse in Neukoelln. The place is a bit special in several ways. The first of all it is bang on Hermannstrasse which makes it a bit revealing. But in spite of this, the inside is neither too shabby nor too polished, and very comfortable. They have several events going on depending on the night, and a rather large dance floor where they have Waltz Thursdays! What a surprise, getting to waltz in a techno city!

Neue Nachbarschaft : Well, this is my first in Moabit, a place which I have never before explored, really. As it turns out, this is a nice bar, which is frequented by a lot of students from the TU (and also the FU). On the friday I went they had a smallish concert by Syrian refugees, which was pretty quaint for me (Germans/Europeans enjoyed it a lot too, by the looks of it!). The bar was overfull for this event, which made even standing not trivial. They have nice bar, and also a small nice dancefloor in the cellar, where they were playing more pop music for a change! Go there, highly recommended!
  
HERMAN Belgian Bar: A gem in Prenzlauer Berg which you cannot simply miss. One of the best places to enjoy high quality beer in Berlin, made by the Belgians. After seeing the menu list, you just have to open your mouths wide, as you realize which country really has a choice in variety of beers. I was taken there by my date (yes, after a pizza at the Standard, in case you have been following my personal life), and the nice beer, aided by the dimly lit cozy interiors only helped in the conversation. It's a super place, and I have been there several times later.

the leap day

"You probably don't want to follow me, I am not a very good example ...", he looked at me, a furtive look, but catching my eye nevertheless.

  Some comments like this I can never rule out, never forget. To be honest, it is not that I remember, until at some obscure moment they flash up in my conscious part of my brain, flooding me with guilt and longing.

 But today is special. It is not the new year, not a birthday, not an anniversary, and indeed there is nothing special I can remember about this day. You could stop me and point out that this day special because it comes once every four years, it's the leap day for three-years, and the non-leap day on the fourth leap year. Even google has a nice doodle about this.


  Rabbits do leap don't they? But does an iRabbit as well?


   Enough vague statements. The reason that this day is special to me is because provides a wormhole into my past life. What? Are you dead, and re-incarnated?, I hear you ask. No, I reassure you, it is just that my life has changed irreversibly, whether for good or worse I do not know, but I know that things cannot ever go back to how they were on the last leap day.

 Having said that I will stop. There is no point in describing the non-consequential bliss during the times before, and the deep absymmal despair that followed. No language, mine the least of all, can describe it. I am just using this day to make a connection with the past life, like when you stand in front of a glass window looking at the neverland behind it, something that you know every bit, and yet, it is quite beyond your reach.

 Hello Dad!




 

Eateries and Drinkeries V

It seems like I am going full gusto with all the places you can go out for. Go out people, take your friends along, smile a while, spread happiness. Be happy. I know. None of this easy. Never has been, never can be. Don't think too more about it now, just plan your next outing.

Schwarzes Cafe: One of the most delightful that the west has to offer, you can get delicious mouth watering cakes, along with satisfying pots of coffee. And White Tea, yes, if you are willing to spend 4,50 Euro for this. It also has all day breakfast, where they serve avocado. And, as if, all this weren't enough, it's open 24 hours a day!

Going up east from the Zoo, you come to the lovely Oranienburger Strasse. Other than the occasional prostitutes that you see roaming around, this is also a hub of Mitte Nightlife. Remember this is Mitte, so prices are high, and people are much more posh.

Hummus and Friends: Another nice place, with lush interiors, and with the motto, "Make Hummus Not walls". Actually, for a place in the Mitte, this is rather moderate priced. I had the daily soup, which was quite nice, though lacking a little bit of salt. But, try this out by all means.

Mogg & Melzer: Ever heard of Pastrami? Well I hadn't, so maybe it is worth checking out here. It's a way of wine-drying beef before the times of refrigeration. This place has an interesting pastrami sandwich to offer, in a very cool, Mitte-like atmosphere. The building I think is distinctly East German with some particular tiling patterns. Be careful, pastrami can be a bit chewy, but even with the big sandwiches, you can eat them in a piece without spilling things on your clothes.

RMCM: Was considerably confused to label this properly. In any case, this is really a very cozy place with nice couches and live music after nine. Then it can be quite loud. The walls are full of autographs from different music bands. A home and museum for music.

Zosch: A very local kneipe, with live music at night. Was there only rather briefly, for a Gluhwein, which was perhaps not the best idea. Other than that, it is a nice place with lively atmosphere. Lively by Mitte standards. Give it a try. As a friend and I sat outside, sipping Gluhwein, two Americans (from the USA) were arguing loudly about the rights of pulling down a building. And we sat there in the wind, trying to make some forced conversation.

La Premiatta Ditta: A tiny little Italian place, a restaurant. You might have the danger of coming out with you clothes smelling of cheese. I imagine the food must be decent, even though a friend complained that the Lasagne was not heated properly. But she was given a free glass of wine in compensation. And you'll have only Perroni beer if it comes to that.

Saint Jean: A super-posh, and super-retro gay bar, this place is just in the ecke of Weinmeisterstr. The looks of the guys who come here are very different, nearly with toned bodies, and less clothing even though it might be cold and raining outside. A very different feel of the gay life in Berlin. Somehow when we were there it was super crowded due to the rains outside. And yes, if you don't have much money try only going for the beers. The cocktails must be very nice, they are aimed at more like 9-10 Euros.

Tadjikistan Teehouse: This is a place you have to go, and give a try even if it is slighly expensive. A tea house, where you have the option of sitting on the floor. They have food as well as a variety of other drinks, besides tea. We had the Russian samovar tea, which is a huge pot of hot water and a pot of very strong black tea. In addition you get different kind of sugar, backed buiscuits, dried lemons, ginger, rum filled raisins and shots of vodka to rinse your mouth before trying out something of a different taste.

Having given you a good survey of places to go in the Oranienburger Strasse and neighbourhood let me touch on two more places before pressing the exit button.

Geist im Glas: This one is truly in Kreuzkoelln, right on a small side street off Kolumbiadamm. One of the best places to have brunch in Berlin (arguably). They have three main options (at least on the day we went): cheese biscuits and sausage, american pancakes with Dulce de leche (a form of thick condensed milk, see here), and Huevos Rancheros (a traditional Mexican style breakfast). Since we were three people, we could sample all the three dishes. Delicious. If you haven't eaten here, you've definitely missed something. And cocktails -- they have wonderful cocktails! I had a coffee chocolate cocktail, heavenly. You should go out and check for yourself.

Cafe Bilderbuch: We end after coming back to the west again, at Schoeneberg. This delightful huge cafe has a wondeful atmosphere. A very unassuming place, it seems smallish from the outside until you go in to find an absolutely huge ante-chamber with lots of cozy couches, sofas and even a piano. Delightful coffee, tea, other drinks and some good variety of cakes and other food. If you have a rainy afternoon, or a cold afternoon to kill, or enjoy, go there. You won't regret it!

And now having counted a full ten places, I will say bye!

Eateries and Drinkeries IV

Again, it has been quite a while, and methinks the time is perhaps right to put up a list of places that you can amuse yourselves with.

Zu Mir Oder Zu Dir: A cozy bar in the "baby boom" district of Prenzlauer Berg. Slightly removed from U Eberswalder Str., this is a world of its own with people crowding to find a place inside. It is lush inside with sofas and stools to sit. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you are a smoker) it is a smoking bar, so be prepaed for your clothes to smell of smoke days afterwards.

Chilees: Burgers, korean style. They are generally good, but hard to compare with the BBI (Berlin Burgers International) in Neukoelln. But then again, here you will get interesting Korean burger creations. Definitely worth a try!

Szimpla Kaffeehaus: If you want to try out a stout beer brewed with coffee, don't forget this place. I had been searching for this particular kind of beer for ages, ever since I got introduced to Elysian Split Stout in Seattle. Apparently it seems like Hungary has it all. A wonderful Hungarian craft beer place, this also had delicious cakes, which tempted me.

Hamy Cafe: Such delicious Vietnamese food at this price is difficult to find elsewhere. A small-ish show just off Hermannplatz, serves the most delicious Vietnamese food, along with exotic drinks. A food and a drink will leave you poorer by only about 8 Euros!

Roses: A lovely gay bar with very colorful interiors. Is definitely going to keep you wow-ing. Nice crowd, but they don't have dark beers, be forewarned!

Drei Schwestern: Inside a castle-like building, the arched wooden interior boasts of a castle-like dining experience, along with German food for dinner. For the weekend brunch, you can get a wonderful English breakfast.

Z-Bar: Tucked in Torstrasse, this place will definitely leave you with the feeling of wanting to come back for more. A quaint little place with nice lighting, and yeah, movies that you can watch. But, we just leaned against the glass windows and talked. And admired the dim lighting.

Cafe Lux: Another cozy little cafe in Neukolln, has the perfect atmosphere to keep you talking for hours and hours at an end.

Neta: A small place, but serves wonderful Mexican street food, notably burritos. You can choose your own burrito recipe.

I thought for a while about the 10th place, but keep it empty purposely. And Berliner, or an ex-Berliner reading this article should fill it in.

Models

The other day I had a funny thought, which is perhaps true, but perhaps not. But since it is just a thought, I'll expound it. It has to do with models. If you are quite the purist mathematician, there is, perhaps not any place for models: mostly comes from some basic assumptions, and then you build on these assumptions using other assumptions to make a theory, and even prove a couple of lemmas. Physicists would ideally like to proceed that way, but lack both the rigor and the patience, so in many cases they take the short-cut way and build models. These models are supposed be peek into the many complicated things that are quite unworkable with "first-principles" theory, something the physicists like to do call assumptions that do not stem from first principles. Anyway, models are more often used by biologists and chemists, because they want to model things like complicated molecules and chemical substances, organs, nerves, genes or perhaps even the brain. Even the economists and financial analyzers at banks keep making models of the economy in order to maximize profits.

 If you have read on till now, you'll realize that model is essentially meant to be a simplified version of some grand thing we are always trying to emulate. In that respect, it suddenly occurred to me that films, books, poems and songs, and art of course, falls in the same category. They are just models. Models that seek, in some way or the other to mimic the eternal complicated fabric, or the string-net condensed phase of what you call Life. Life, as we know it, is tremendously complicated: human beings are emotional, they kill, they love, they become rulers, the forbid others to eat beef, or to have sex with the same genders, they find tribes, which they call Religion, the make trains, they try to understand the Nature, they are complicated. Animals are simpler, but still they have own traits, own habits. So, when something is captured on film, like the break-up story of a couple, or the hunting habits of lions, whether be it a romantic drama or a documentary, these are all models trying to emulate something complicated -- more often with creativity and inspiration rather than not.

  A simple thought, but this unifies a lot of different things. I felt happy.

The TeaTails

"So there you go, welcome to the real world.."

For a moment I do not know what to say. I had been fearing that this was coming, but the way my Friend had replied to my messages had kept my suspicions at bay. Really, why else would you just travel to Budapest to work when you had an office in Berlin? You must have been having fun, in addition to being idiosyncratic, I had reasoned.

Not that I care. Or maybe I did, and still do, just a little, a hard lump which refuses to dissolve...

My Friend has just quit his job. Well, not just. I am just getting informed about it.

My Friend has just finished explaining to me why.

"So, what now?", I ask.

"..I work full time for my dream project. To find my own company."

"Oh,.." I breathe in sharply, "that is cool? " I can't really stop being optimistic irrespective of the situation.

"Not via the same channel though ..., that isn't going to work..."

"okay...", I hopefully paused.

Truth be told, I don't understand a bit about how companies work. Or how to start them. It is just that I never thought about it.

".. but it can equally well fail, you know, and then I am left with nothing.. "

 Of course I see that, I am not so naive. But I don't say that. 

".. I am sure that you are going to succeed..", I say.

"... I am not so sure about that, eh..", my Friend cuts me in.

 It puzzles and annoys me. Why be pessimistic if you are starting a venture? You need lots of hope and inspiration to see it through. 

" Well, at least I am sitting with the CEO of a company, drinking beer. Something I have always wanted to. Something so exotic.."

 "You've had beer with me before..."

 "Not while you were the CEO..", I smile.

 My Friend makes a face showing that this is nothing exotic.

Oh my, I wonder silently, rather annoyed, this isn't how I had imagined the meeting to be going. Meeting with this friend is always mysterious. I even prepare my replies in my mind beforehand, but every time I meet this friend, everything becomes topsy-turvy. And it never helps that we meet once every couple of months even though we live in the same city.

"So, what do you want to drink next?", he asked.

 We had just finished a beer in a cute-looking bar, a cute-hipster look, which is a default in Berlin.

"I dunno, maybe another beer?...No wait, it is a disgrace to get only beer here. I will get the long island coffee".

 My bad habit comes out always I see chocolate or coffee. Thank God, it is at least alcoholic.

"okay good, I will buy you one. I will get a gin and tonic", he states.

 There is a guy at the bar already, asking the Bartender a lot of questions about teas infused with syrups and liquors. We listen in to the conversation. He wants to have an idea what the white silver needle tea actually is, in the concoction "Silver Linings".

 "Does Cointreau go well with this, I wonder...", we hear him asking the Bartender in German.

 The Bartender is not German, her accent makes it obvious. I can easily detect these things now. She is even from an English speaking country.

 The speciality of this bar is that it makes alcohol-infused-tea, a place in the Bergmannkiez. And the one alcohol infused coffee, the one I am going to drink.

 "You're a fussy customer", my Friend suddenly chimes in, the moment the Bartender turns around to make the drink. I can see Guy smiling mildly, and own up.

 "What are you getting?", I see the Man replying.

"A gin and tonic, infused with tea of course..."

 The conversation continues for a brief while. The spark in the Man's eyes tells me that he is interested, even though Someone is waiting for him.

 The Man has just asked for a glass of orange juice as the Bartender brought his drink.

 "well, another simple juice, and then I am gone..", and he talks more, without throwing any glances at me, ignoring me completely.

  I stare on, I cannot say anything meaningful, I always fail to come up with something clever to say in situations like this.

 The Guy finally leaves, and my Friend gets the drinks.

 "So, how was Budapest?", I ask lamely

 "Oh, it was wonderful. There was so much to see, it was so wonderful.."

 "Did you go into the Buda castle?", I ask, drawing on my visit last year to make some intelligent conversation.

"No, not really. I didn't manage to do the sightseeing, I was working there as well..."

 Seven days in a completely new city and no sightseeing, I wonder to myself. Did you even fuck, I want to ask.

"oh? did you have good internet connection?"

"well, I bought a phone 4G SIM, and used the connection there, it was all right".

We go on, lamely making conversation, not enjoying any of the tea-tails the place offered, but each of us lost in our own world of tea-tales. I can see from the eyes that my Friend is thinking of so many things at the same time. Me too. But we are speaking of things so far removed.

 "you know, this is difficult, the real-world.."

 "I know..", I say lamely.

 And where were you living all this time, I wonder. But I know that my Friend knows. From what I know, my Friend did not have a very smooth life. Even after coming to Berlin.

 But I know what a real- life can be. Really, I know. Trust me. While my Friend had been trying to burn job prospects, I have successfully burnt out my personal life and happiness in the past year. But my Friend is relentless: "you have to meet more people. you are just not doing enough...", I was told the last time, ".. people are not unreasonable, you know."

 "But they are..", I insisted.

 "..you just have to meet more people. you are not doing enough..."

 "but I did, I do,..", I defended my comment.

 "Just how many people did you meet?.."

  And so the conversation had run, several months before. Before I had left for a month long trip to the Far East. The convinced shaking of another person's head had done nothing to improve my street smartness. None of these conversations had helped. At the end of every conversation, my Friend got to know more and more about me, but, in return, I only got to increase my knowledge incrementally, about things that did not count.

  My Friend has no idea how hard I am trying to get into the real world. For a long time, I lived in a fairy land, full of the mystery of quantum mechanics, and protected by strong boundaries (which some call geekiness -- we liked to call it intellectualism, and passion for research). Strong feelings, strong dedication to forwarding the frontiers of human knowledge, probing into the Mind of God. Until last year. When all Hell had broken loose. But that is another story.

 The tea-tails finish.

 "Hey, want to try something different?", I ask suddenly, pointing at the empty glasses, cutting my Friend in the middle of a comment on how my Friend's ex-boyfriend used to like fruit teas and my Friend used to hate them.

 My Friend looks up: "what?"

 "Shots? But this one is on me.."

  I have an idea, suddenly, very much like my physics realizations, which come at single instants of time. I recall a short film on YouTube which I had seen long, long ago. I don't even remember it fully, but the idea, the seed of the idea -- it is there in my brain.

 "okay"

 "Sit here. I will get them. Any preference?"

 "hmm... Tequila"

 I get them.

 "Six shots?" My Friend eyes me questioningly, when I come back, stopping to play with the mobile. 

 "Yes. Three for each of us... maybe a bit more for the loser," I say.

"Why loser?", my Friend asks, puzzled.

"Because we play a little game for the shots with three statements..."

 I can see my Friend's eyes open fractionally wide.

 "What game?"

 "You tell me three things about you, one of which has to be a lie, and the other two complete truths. I have to guess the lie. And one of the statements has to involve the both of us, whether the truth or the false one, it doesn't matter. If I guess correctly, you have to drink a shot. If I cannot, then I will take a shot. Same for you. We alternate."

 My friend flounders for a while, thinking. Finally, I see the shoulders shrugging assent.

"You go first..", I hear.

From nothing, the tea-tales suddenly become the centre of attention. The background noise in the cute-hipster cafe has gone up, cocooning us both in a comfortable cushion of i-am-not-listening-nor-do-i-care.

 "okay", I hear myself saying, "First: I got an extension on my job, now I can live in Germany permanently. Second: I missed my breakfast today.."

 "what, what kind of statement is that?", my Friend interrupts.

 "well, either a true or a false one..", I smile

 "okay, go on,.."

 "finally, remember the first night we spent bar hopping, getting completely drunk? That has been the night I enjoyed the most in this city."

 I stop, and look at my Friend. My Friend looks away.

 "You had your breakfast today. You picked up your broetchen from that shop like you do every day."

 I push a shot glass in the direction of my Friend. I see the shoulders droop a little, but the shot is gone in a single gulp.

 "What is the lie then?", the eyes shoot a persistent glance at me.

 "Your turn. If we survive the end of this game, we will disclose the truth. Not until then. " I say.

 I sense the dissatisfaction, the supressed snarl that tries to come up on the face. But my Friend looks at me and says nothing for five seconds.

 "Okay, my turn then. First, North Sea was really fun. I just told you it was boring so that  you will not feel bad", the eyes are not looking at me anymore, but are drooping down.

 "Second, my sister is quitting her job to help me with the effort for the project and the new company. Third, the company offered to pay me handsomely, if I decided to skip with the startup, but give the idea to them."

 The eyes are defiant again, looking at me.

 "Well, your sister loves you, but she cannot risk losing her job". I finish. "At least that's what I think".

  Another glass is suddenly empty, and the eyes are not flickering any more. I had my Friend's full attention. Nothing else is going to interfere with our tea-tales until the end.

 "The ball is back in my court, then", I start. "First of all, remember that guy who broke up with me on WhatsApp, after sleeping with me? He wrote me the other day. He wants to meet up, and would like to be together again. He wants to give it another shot. I refused him. Second: My father is not doing well, again. He is back to the hospital. Third: Remember the last weekend when I visited Amsterdam? I didn't want to, I only did that because you went without me to Budapest and to the North Sea. I did not enjoy Amsterdam in the least".

 The genuine confusion in my friend's eyes was apparent. We were silent for a long time.

 "How did you refuse him? What did you say?", broke the background buzz.
A candle was glowing on our table, and both of us were staring intently into it.

 "I told him that I am hopelessly in love with someone else".

 Again silence, only broken by the cheerful but indifferent mutter around.

 " I don't like this game...", I finally hear my Friend say.

 "Well, we are playing it, nevertheless. Let's not be cowards and leave it unfinished, okay? As you said, welcome to real world", suddenly my voice is much more firm than I intend it to be.

 "The fact about your Amsterdam trip", comes the meek retort.

 I push another shot glass in the other direction. No resistance this time, another gulp and it is gone.

 "Okay, then two more to go. Let's see if you miss this time.  The first one: Remember the time when we took a walk through Schoeneberg? We passed right in front of my ex-boyfriend's house. I wouldn't have been able to do that had you not been with me. The second one:  You are really the best friend that I have in this city who is not just interested in sleeping with me. Third: I was out on a date yesterday, where I enjoyed a lot".

 My turn to stop and think. Two out of three facts about us. I am clearly not prepared for this. I think for quite a while. Most likely one of them is not the truth.

 "Well, I am guessing the second one. You have a better friend than me?", I say but I am very unsure now.

"Yeah, right, very right..", my Friend smirks, and I am offered a shot glass with a firm hand.

 I drink it up. My first shot. I am happy and dismayed at the same time. The second one is not a lie. So I do matter, in some small unimportant way, I still do. Maybe the Schoneberg business is a lie.. Or, there was no date yesterday. But I don't have more time to dwell on it. I have to think. This is the last round. Stakes are higher.

 "First: I am seeing someone, and I like him, and he cares for me. In some way".

 I again see the dawn of uncertainty in the eyes looking into me. What was the lie last time?

"Second: That night we went to the Sudblock, remember? The next day you asked me if I was alright, and I said yes. Remember?"

 My Friend nods.

 "I was not alright. I was upset, very upset. I went running just to forget everything. It sounds very dramatic now, I know, but it wasn't back then, I promise you. I was very jealous, and annoyed. I was jealous that the guy with the bag slung on his shoulders started dancing with you. He put his hands around your shoulders and started dancing. I was jealous because every time we have met, and have gone out, I have tried to touch you, hug you close, but I never gathered the courage. I never dared, after you told me you told me that you viewed me only as a friend. I did not want to lose our friendship. But I was hopelessly in love with you. And all you told me was to meet other people. And I got annoyed because I couldn't do that, I can't go to a stranger and start flirting. I could never do that. But I could have loved you. Truly."

 I stop. I am reeling under the pressure of what I have just said, I cannot believe that I said all this. I don't know what to say next. My Friend is looking at me.

 "You have another one to go."

 "Yeah, I ... well, I still feel butterflies in my stomach when I meet you."

 "Listen", my Friend starts, "I don't want to guess which one is a lie. As I said, I don't like this game anymore; especially it is not a game anymore. We will go on hurting each other like this. And I don't care about the lie anymore. But, since we started, let's just see it through. I will give you my three statements."

 "First: You know the first night we met. It was the most enjoyable night I have had. But you know, this is the real world. Good things happen only now and then. Second: Look, you have been special as a friend. Most of the good friends I have had, had to be made through their bedrooms. You have been a rare exception. Third: I could never care any less for you, but at the same time I cannot fall in love with you. Such is my curse. I hope you will understand it some day. And I have known that you have been in love with me for a long time. It hasn't been easy to keep meeting with you knowing that every time we met you would probably fall in deeper while I cannot give anything back. But in not meeting you, I would have hurt you even more. And I couldn't bear to be like the dickhead you described to me once who hurt you badly in Switzerland."

 "Now the game is over. I have told you, you are welcome to guess, but I don't want to find out the lie. So, I will just get going..."

 He gathers up his coat and looks into my eyes, deep and unblinking. He does not ask him to join him, and I sit in my chair mesmerized in thought. He bends down for his goodbye hug against my body which is largely lifeless now. However, he pauses before leaving me, and brushes his lips momentarily against my cheeks holding them steady for a single breath and pressing in lightly. Technical terms call it a kiss.

 "Let's be in touch ...", he whispers in my ear, drinks up another shot and leaves...

 There is a single unfinished shot lying on the table. The muttering around goes on, unabated. This is Berlin, you do not get noticed for heartbreaks or hopes, for everyone is carrying their own.